The beginning of the end?

It makes me sad to type this, but I think my breastfeeding journey with Calista is about to come to a premature end.

I was initially happy when she was born, cos she seemed so much less demanding than her brother, and we were able to establish a healthy supply (and even such a surplus of milk that I had to limit the amount of frozen food we bought because the space in the freezer was taken up by all the milk i expressed).

However, even though she recovered from her milk strike and has regained her appetite, my supply has dropped drastically.. I suppose it all stemmed from my return to work. It's such a vicious cycle. She has gotten used to the ease of drinking from a bottle and is reluctant to work hard to suckle.. I grew frustrated with her refusal to drink, would give up and let hours go without expressing the milk (in the hope that maybe she'll want to drink an hour later, so i'd better leave some milk in me for her).. my body thinks I don't need to produce as much.. Now i can feel the hard lumps in me.. very soon, I won't be able to produce much more. :(

Just a few weeks ago, P and I were pondering how long I should try and breastfeed her for.. he suggested 2 years (which is of course easy for him to say since he doesn't hv to do any work in this respect). At the rate things are going, I'm afraid we'll be switching to formula in 2 months' time. :(

It's sad how fast things have degenerated from that happy place a few weeks ago.. all relationships are fragile, and this is no exception.

[31 Dec 11 update: The trip to Nikoi helped to up my supply thanks to my consistent pumping...and I think we'll be able to make it past the 6 month mark without problem. :) She's still not drinking very much, though her intake when i'm away at work has increased from 300+ mls to 400+ mls.. oh well. At least things aren't as dire as it seemed. Just praying she won't start a milk strike again. I'll try to continue giving her mama's milk as long as I can! (The dear hubby bought me sparkly baubles as a reward for my breastfeeding efforts. ^_^ After a particularly trying night, I told him "yeah, i think i've earned it.")]