This letter is long overdue.. I've been meaning to pen down my thoughts but, as you might understand, things have been rather busy around the house these days. Snatches of ideas and thoughts come to me at the weirdest hour, when I'm feeding your meimei, or when I lie awake at night after a midnight pumping session, unable to sleep.
How do I begin to tell you all that I wish to tell you; how do I even begin to describe all that makes you, you? As daddy says, that might fill a book.. and indeed your days are filling up this blog, post by post.
The past 3 years have been a whirlwind. We cannot imagine life Before Christian, nor can we remember much of it (though I do wistfully look back to those days with rose-tinted glasses, whenever you kiddos give me grief and I wish daddy and I were a carefree couple living a DINK (for your benefit, Double-Income-No-Kids) lifestyle. Some parents will shudder to tell their children that they wish for a life without their children, but I believe in keeping in real. And besides, by the time you read this letter, you should be able to understand that parents are people with their own friends and need for personal time too.
However, I say wholeheartedly, you are the shining joy of our lives and our days are much richer thanks to your presence. Seeing flashes of ourselves in you makes us proud, and yet concerned.. we wish for you to avoid the same mistakes we've made, to overcome the same personality weaknesses.. but I suppose we'll have to learn to let you make your own mistakes and that going through the failures will be the only way you can learn.
Parenthood is full of worry. We worry about your health, your frequent colds, your school life, whether you enjoy school.. we worry when your teacher asks us to practise holding pencils with you, when your teacher tells us you are one of two children in class who have yet to master holding a pen and writing steady lines.. we worry about your behaviour in class.. whether the friends in school are teaching you bad habits of shouting and rowdy antics.. we worry about you being too dependent on us; about not speaking enough mandarin to you, and whether you will cope with primary school in future. Your father and I discuss trends in the working world.. trying to identify skills which would be most important in future so we know what to develop in you (is it knowing many languages? or having depth of knowledge and vocabulary in a single language? regurgitation of facts vs creative thinking? Well.. you get the idea.)
Parenthood is also like walking a tightrope - we have to balance between allowing you to explore and grow into your own person, and not being too permissive at the same time. Then when we try to teach you and guide you, we have to be careful not to be too restrictive and stifle your personality.
Much of the conversation between your Daddy and I these days are all about you, and increasingly, your sister. This is because you are the centre of our lives and I think about you every single hour.
You make us laugh heartily, and often. We laugh when you prove yourself to be quite the diplomat (Case in point 1
Me: do you like Godma or Godpa more? Ch: I like Mama.. and Daddy.. and Godma. *pause* and Godpa too!
Case in point 2
Me: Don't you like mama anymore? (when he asks me to drive, and for gonggong to sit at the back of the car with him.)
Ch: I like Mama... i like mama a lot.. but.. *thinks of how to get himself out of this, then proclaims* I like Mama, that's why I want you to drive.)
We smile at your advanced negotiating skills, your innocence and your big-heartedness. Your enthusiasm for life puts us to shame. You teach us how to find joy in the simplest things like bubbles or a long soak in the bath. No matter how terrible we feel after a day of work, looking at you makes us forget everything else.
Thank you darling, for coming into our lives. Having you is such a joy, and such great responsibility. The past 3 years of watching you grow and growing along with you have been challenging and rewarding as we see your personality emerge, and realise the beauty of God's creation and how great His love for us must be. We only pray that we'll be able to do our best, and that our best is enough for you.
Lots of love
Mama
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Christian at Day 1, 6 months, 1 year, 18 months, 2 years, 2.5 years and 3 years old.
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