Difficult days

Christian has been ill on and off since end March.

He took one week to recover from a cold that started on 23rd March, which dragged on and completely disappeared when he was in Perth.

However, he caught another cold on the 14th, within 3 days of returning to childcare after we got back from Perth. The cold got better in about a week, but the dry cough persisted and he finally developed a fever last Thursday night.

I spent Friday at home with him, and the fever does not seem to have gone away for good, as yet. He keeps coughing and throwing up his food since Friday, I think he must have lost a few kilos.

Sigh.

He started being difficult during our morning drop-offs at school since end March too. Not sure whether it's cos I reverted to working full-time from the office, thus spending less time with him. Was glad for the Perth holiday, and thought he might be better after us spending a glorious week together, but no, it has gotten much worse. He's gotten so clingy the teachers at school say he sometimes chants "i want mama i want mama" when they talk to him. We've also felt like Judas betraying Jesus, when he cries so pitifully and with such desperation in the mornings. Having to pry his fingers off my clothes as every fibre of his being strains towards me causes us to have a rather awful start to the mornings (to say the least).

It's rather amusing, yet sad, to hear him try to avoid going to school every morning. His tactics range from -

1) outright denial / refusal
"I don't want to go to school. Mama and Christian together!"
"I'm not going to school. Christian stay home with Ida and Daddy."

2) Negotiation
"I want to follow Mama. I want to go home."
When I say i have to go to work - "I follow Mama to work."

3) Formulating own theories about the existence of school
"I don't want to go school. Lao shi and children fly in the sky. No more lao shi. I want to stay home with mama."

4) Refusing all attempts to be coaxed
P: "Christian, you want to tell Chloe you are handsome today?"
C: "No. Christian is naughty today."

Sometimes I end up crying at his school after seeing how strongly he cries; feeling so guilty about not being able to fulfill his entirely reasonable request of being with his mother. He's so sweet when he witnesses my tears though. He paused, put his immediate emotions aside and stroked my cheek. Through my tears, I could see his surprise and loss as to how to comfort me. P said that exchange revealed a great love, which unfortunately results in great pain during partings. :(

This ain't a cheery post, but I suppose life is not made up of happy moments alone, and this journal would not be an accurate reflection of our life together if it only documented the joyful moments without the sorrow.

Hoping that brighter days will come soon.