Death

A morbid topic for a little child, but what with Betta's (our pet fish) and our hamster's death, it was a topic not to be avoided for long.

P explained that he was in his naggy mode a few weeks back, and was telling Christian that he needs to learn how to read cos "One day, when Mama and Daddy are no longer around, you'll need to know how to read the menu and order food.." (he was trying to motivate Ch by appealing to his weakness - food)

Christian immediately asked why we wouldn't be around.. are we going to die?

And so the topic of death popped up now and then.. and he would ask.. 'are you going to die soon? Ida will still be around right?' Christian did not look extremely disturbed when he asked the questions, but his repetition revealed that he was most probably disturbed indeed.

We went to Keppel Bay Marina last evening for a walk and dinner. It made such an impression on him that he talked about the marina before he slept, commenting that he did not see any fish before proclaiming that fish only lived in ponds. When i corrected him and reminded him that fish live in rivers, streams, oceans and even aquariums like in our neighbour's house. He asked why we don't have fish and I reminded him of Betta. He asked why Betta died; if we could buy another fish, and I replied that it wouldn't be the same. I gave him some vague reply that God made us, we are meant to stay on earth for a while, then go to God's house.

That was when he blurted "i don't want mama daddy to die. Wait mama daddy die then Christian cannot find mama and daddy. I'll look for mama daddy *turns head left right, left right* then 'Huh?' 'Where?'"

I thought it was so cute that he enacted his imagined loss, though i quickly reassured that we will be with him for a looong time (hopefully), at least until he's grown up and until we are as old as his grandparents.

As she wakes...becoming six!

Dear Calista

It's been six months since you were born! It feels like much longer than that, but when we think in terms of years (i.e. half a year), it then feels like time has flown by.

You are slowly awakening to your surroundings...much more conscious of who's who, what's happening, and are able to make your demands clearly heard.

In terms of physcial development, you have mastered tripod sitting, though you still end up tumbling to one side if we aren't around to catch you -





You've also started having your first feeds of cereal, which you take readily to. We tried feeding you banana mashed with my milk but you weren't so keen and protested after a few mouthfuls.



You started flipping over too, though your flips were initially half-done, with your hand stuck under your body mid-way..we would watch you struggle and struggle to free the trapped hand, until you wail in frustration for help. "WAAAH!"



You've had your first extended trip out with the family...only to MBS, nothing too fancy but it was seriously trying and tiring when you got sleepy or needed to be fed..given that you are a snacker and takes milk in limited quantities at a time, mama thinks she'll attempt bringing you out only after she has weaned you..



You've also taken to feeding yourself with one hand, and started the bad habit of drinking only when you are in the yaolan (it's hard to feed you anywhere else cos you are soooo distractable) -



Your feeding patterns have not changed much, other than drinking a little more at each go.. you have finally moved on to about 90ml per feed, instead of the previous 45ml every 40mins. (I'm so glad that we are past the six-month mark though, cos that takes the pressure of breastfeeding a little.. we still have quite a store of frozen EBM, but we-ell...i've been too lazy to wake up to pump in the middle of the night, especially on those nights when you wake at 1sth am, 3sth am, and 5sth am...i'd go back to my bed, thinking 'let me just rest for a minute before i drag my sorry carcass out to pump', but fall asleep promptly. That has kinda wreaked havoc with supply...and i'm having mixed feelings about it. It'll be liberating to not have to be tied to you / the pump, but then i'll miss the connection, and the only special time we have together. sigh.)

However, sleep-wise, you've finally begun to consolidate your naps, sleeping longer for 1hr+ or 2hr+ each time, although you are awake for longer periods in between naps. You've also started to fight naps in the evening.. you'd absolutely refuse to nap even though it's a crazy for a baby to be awake from 3.30pm to 8.30pm..but we suspect it's cos you hear your brother shouting in the living room and you think you are missing out on the 'action'. hahaa. You are the biggest fan of your korkor and will laugh at his antics. I see him a little surprised by your chuckles as he hops on one foot all over the house, but he gamely repeats it just to make you laugh a little more.

You are growing cuter and cuter each day..with utterly girlish gestures such as sticking one finger in your mouth contemplatively, and sucking furiously on that one finger. You've also learnt anticipation, which makes it easier for us to play peekaboo games with you, or games which involve mama / daddy pretending to have a go at your feet or little fingers. You'd raise your eyebrows as we make menacing sounds and then laugh as we chomp furiously on your limbs.

We are surprised at how aware you are of your surroundings, and of people.. you would whimper for me to carry you whenever Nai nai attempts to carry you, and although you'd smile at strangers, the smile somehow does not seem to reach your eyes, and you'd stare at them warily as if to suss them up.

A summary of January

4 Jan 
P pretends to be some ferocious animal and chases after Christian. Ch says "u cannot eat me up! cos mama will cry...cos there's no Christian!" P said my tears are precious to our son.

6 Jan
calista's double eyelid on her right eye finally appeared. still smiles warily at strangers and reserves her biggest grins for us.

16 Jan
- Calista starts flipping over frequently n consistently, over her right side.

- Ch held Calista's hand, and feeds himself with his other hand. I go "Awww" but mum tells me he's aggressive to the baby when I'm not around. I'm puzzled cos he's seldom like that in front of me, and I wonder if i've been repressing his dark emotions. P says it's natural for sons to want to please their mothers.. and that's why those children who've done well in the PSLE this year all seem to have mothers who quit their jobs to stay home and coach them.

- Calista cries when P picks her up at night, as if to say 'who are you, you are the useless man..' Stops immediately when I carry her.. smiling as if to say "Ah..the one with the milk is here"

- Calista holds milk bottle with one hand and feeds herself.

17 Jan
- Ch declares early in the morning - "mamaaa..I've got a bump on my head...*pouts* I cannot go to school..."

- 1st quarrel between siblings - Christian pushed her toy away from her and refused to let her play. My mum says Ca protested angrily in the baby version of the Donald Duck "Yakyakayakakkwakwa!"

18 Jan 
I prepped Ch and told him he would need to wear the Chinese New Year costume for the party in school He says "I dont like parties. I like to stay home n eat eat eat n play play play n eat n play."
My mum commented drily: "what a lazy boy..."

His fears surfaced slowly..."Then I must wear the Chinese New Year clothes n sleep?"
I realised he was worried about little things like this and told him he could take them off before his nap in school..it was just for the party in the morning. He then asked "then how i take it off?" I explained that the buttons were large, and he'd have no problems removing the top.

On the day itself, he pinched the red/yellow silk top he was wearing and asked "My friends will wear this?"

As we took the lift down to the car, a little girl asked her father softly "Is it Chinese New Year already? No..? Then why he wear Chinese New Year clothes?"

Ch hid behind my mum's legs.. self-conscious.

Bedtime conversations

I love putting Christian to bed nowadays. It used to be an agony, cos he would take so long to toss and turn, and cling on to one hand of mine as if afraid that i'd run away.. things have improved though, as this boy grows more secure in his parents' love.

I picked P up from the train station around Ch's bedtime last night, so my mum helped to change him, and settle him down after milk. I returned home just when the lights were turned off, so I went in to take over from my mum. And I was glad I did, cos the pre-sleep time is really such a precious time when his thoughts and insecurities pop up.

We were lying side by side and I thought he was going to keep quiet and fall asleep, when he suddenly turned to face me and asked "Mama, tell me..when you were a little girl."

I asked "Erm... what about the time when I was a little girl? What do you want to hear?"

He said "When you were a little girl.. and you fall and fall and fall..."

I realised he remembered my passing comment when we walked at Henderson Waves the other day. He'd fallen down and was bawling from the bloody scrape when I tried to comfort him by telling him that "when i was little, i fell down a lot too..once a year.. and gonggong had to clean my wound and put lotion on it every year.' I had already forgotten that I made that comment, but the little one remembers everything.

And so i began to tell him of how i used to like to jump around with my friends in school, and play amongst the big tree roots that jutted out from the ground. He butted in "And you fell into the drain and cut your leg?"

(Well, such an instance did happen, though it was not when i was jumping around in primary school around those tree roots..)

In order to not complicate matters, I simply said yes.. and he interjected again, full of concern..

"Did someone help you??"

I laughed and was touched by his concern. He continued nattering "When I fall down in school, Ms Divine helped me to wipe my knee with waaateeer, and teee-ssue..and then she put a plaster on it."

I told him how my father used to clean my wound and apply a blue lotion on it and he seemed satisfied with the answer, but then said 'what about the plaster? why never put plaster?' forcing me to launch into an explanation on how air-drying is good for wounds because it allows the scab to form faster etc..

He fell asleep shortly after, and I could hear a soft grinding of his molars..I wished I could bundle him up and carry him like a baby so he would feel secure and stop grinding his teeth. It then struck me that he has grown to be sooo big, and is no longer the baby i had to rock in my arms for hours to put to sleep. How quickly 3 years flies by us. He'll probably be in the army before I know it.

Calista's 1st semi-solid meal - 9 Jan

I was quite adamant about waiting till 6 months before feeding Christian solids, but am slightly more relaxed with Calista, especially since she started waking up more often at night to drink milk...bought some rice cereal last Sunday and promptly fed her a teaspoon of it mixed with EBM last Monday.

She loved it! Unlike Christian, who still had a slight tongue-thrust reflex and choked a little when we first started him on solids, she slurped it all up with a slightly surprised and then crazed look. Hahaaa..i had to be careful not to let her tip the bowl of cereal over cos she attacked the spoon and bowl with such gusto after realising that we were feeding her something new. For the first time in her life, she was having something other than milk and her salty fist. =P

Forgot to take pictures of it cos I took a video, so here's a pic of her licking / chomping on a piece of apple instead.

The Helix Bridge & the "Palm"

We often pass the Helix Bridge and the ArtScience museum as we travel on the ECP to / fro home. It's been around for more than a year, but I am ashamed to say that we did not manage to visit the area surrounding Marina Bay Sands until yesterday.

Christian's godparents will be returning to Perth soon.. (for some strange reason, he knows when they'll be going home, "AFter Chinese New Year right??" even though i don't remember ever telling him), so we decided to meet up with them to catch up before that. I'm so happy that Christian is himself around them, that he's the Christian I know and love, and not a shy shadow of the big personality I know. P says it's probably because he's seen them since he was young and they've been a part of his life since then..."He probably has a limited number of 'lifetime memberships' to give out to people and the godparents just happened to have one of the last passes." Hahaha.

Anyway, the little boy was fascinated with the sampans in the indoor 'canal' within Marina Bay Sands, so we paid for him and I to take a 10 minute ride within the shopping centre. He was so thrilled he forgot to be shy when the boatman asked if he wanted to help!

It was great to explore the interior of the new building, and emerge to see the ArtScience Museum which is shaped like a "palm" and which he kept hankering to visit every time we drove by. Godpa brought him into the deep recesses of the "palm" and took him to the loo, but the little boy was not satisfied and muttered during dinner "We didn't go inside the palm...we didn't go inside after the toilet.." I'm glad he managed to spend some time with his godparents, even though the evening was marred by quite a few frantic searches for nursing rooms since we brought Calista along. I think i'll try and avoid long trips with the little girl, at least until she is weaned from the breast...

A walk 'round the neighbourhood - Henderson Waves

We've sold the house. I was initially worried, these past two weeks, that the buyers would change their mind, but now that they've signed and exercised the option, my mind and heart are just filled with sad thoughts..This being our very first home in our short family history together...and this tranquil place having played a part in so much of our collective family memory for the last two years...I can't begin to put into words how much I'll miss it.

We took a walk around the neighbourhood when we first moved in..We stay close to the Southern Ridges Walk, and we love the greenery that is abundant around us. I chanced upon a picture we took many months ago during one of those walks, when Christian was still a mere toddler.



I decided yesterday to bring him for a walk to the Henderson Waves, the bridge we always pass just before reaching home.



How big he has grown to be...I hope he will have fond, albeit faint, memories of our first home..

Shyness

Christian seems to have gotten very very shy ever since his sister was born. Not sure whether it's a result of his ever-growing self-awareness/ consciousness, or some other more sinister reason. 

The other day when we went to pass Noemi our neighbour her Christmas present, her father Tom said thank you and bye to Christian. Another neighbour came home at that moment and said "hello boy!" My son looked down, kept quiet and eventually hid behind my thigh. =S

I decided to bring him to Derek's de facto housewarming party last Saturday since it's rare that the two of us go out together these days. I thought he would eventually warm up to my friends but he remained rather reserved and his voice way below his usual 50 decibels. They tried and tried to engage him but barely got anything beyond a monosyllabic reply from him. They were quite impressed at how 'well-behaved' he was cos he was eagerly carrying back dirty utensils to the kitchen for us adults, but I was secretly worried about his reticence.

We brought him down to the playground on Saturday night and it was teeming with children. There was this particularly persistent tanned boy chasing our son while on a skate scooter "What's your name? What's your name? What's your name?? Can we play?" and our son just kept running away like a timid, silent mouse. Sigh. 

This led P and I to wonder if the reason why he's so talkative is cos he represses himself at school and around others, and saves it all for us.

Bruxism

I have been disturbed by the gnashing of teeth in the middle of night. Hearing Christian's teeth grinding is one of the most uncomfortable sounds on earth, on par with the sound of fingernails scratching a blackboard.

P heard it one night and we gripped each other's hands tightly..oh dear.. he has inherited our bad habit!

I read up on bruxism, and it confirmed most of my suspicions -
(i) it can be triggered by emotional stress, such as the arrival of a new sibling;
(ii) there's nothing much we can do about it other than talk to the child, and try to help him relax before bedtime.

Sigh. I did realise that it never happened, not until after Calista's birth. :( Feel so guilty...there is another way to help him.. by wearing a teeth / mouth guard but he is highly likely to resist it strongly. Anyway, this has cemented my resolve to move him back to my room even on weekday nights. Hopefully he'll feel more reassured and comforted sleeping with us.

[he wanted me to pat him to sleep last night but the bb demanded milk at the very same instant, so P offered my t-shirt which was lying around and asked him to hang on to it instead. Ch smelled it like a heroine addict, and said "Mmmm smells very nice." and took a few more sniffs. I laughed, though P worried that this is not healthy. I pointed out that I used to like smelling my mum's pjs too.. and I remember a friend of mine bringing her mum's clothes with her to camp even in primary school. Hahaha.]

Cracked up

For all the hard work involved in caring for the children, they reward us by giving us so much laughter and amusement thanks to their innocence and the little things they say.

Incident 1)
Since this was a long weekend, we decided to try and sleep altogether in a room again. Christian was most happy to sleep on the bed next to me (P and I were discussing where he should sleep.. I suggested on the bed right next to me, P suggested that he sleep on a mattress on the floor cos the cold draft from the aircon wouldn't reach him.. but by the time I'd suggested he sleep on the floor, he resolutely refused. P's take - "Once you upgrade him to Business Class, you can't ask him to go back to Economy." =7 )

Anyway, that was a long preamble. I wanted to say, P woke early on New Year's Day, and by way of explanation, told Ch that he was leaving the room first to go make pancakes for breakfast. Ch shot up like a bolt, and said -

"Pancakes!! Can I help you make pancakes, Daddy? I want to make pancakes!! You need me to help you, Daddy.. Wait you drop outside the bowl HOOOOoow?? So I  must help you.." (trying hard to convince P that he's indispensable.)

That got the still-sleepy mama all cracked up.
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Incident 2)

P and I were exhausted in the middle of the day, ready for an afternoon nap, but Calista was still wide-awake and ready to play. We placed her on the bed in between us, and P offered his hand for her to grab. She inevitably brought it towards her mouth to gnaw on, but devious P kept twisting and turning such that all she got a mouthful of was her own fist/fingers.

I saw her expressions change from dogged pursuit of P's fingers, to puzzlement when it tasted like her own fingers, a baby frown forming on her face before she gave a mini-shake of her head, opened her mouth wider and tried to form a good latch again. (Her little brain must have formed the conclusion that she failed in her mission because she didn't latch properly..haha.)

Watching her made me convulse with laughter...but I felt sorry for her and so I helped her grab P's thumb so she could gnaw on it for a while.
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Incident 3)

P told me that Ch and him were walking to the train station the other day when they passed by some carpark lots with carpark coupons strewn on the floor. Ch asked why the coupons were not in the bin but on the floor, so P explained that "some naughty korkor" didn't dispose of them in the bin properly.

Ch immediately defended himself "But i was at home, Daddy! I was at home eating lunch!"

Haha...confession that "naughty korkor" = Christian!

See previous posts on "naughty korkor" here and here.