Milk Strike!

love is patient, love is kind.

I wanted to pen a long letter to Calista since she turned 4 months old last Saturday, but all that's on my mind right now is the difficulty we experience in getting her to drink milk.

It is trying and frustrating, to offer milk and for her to react as if I / we are trying to poison her.

I have tried to research on the causes for her fussiness.. I have speculated.. (is it too rapid a let-down? No it cannot be since she reacts the same way to the bottle. Is it thrush? I am treating her for thrush and the coating on her tongue seems rather mild.. no spots on her gums too..).. I have researched and eliminated all the possible causes which are related to the mother (since she reacts similarly to my helper when fed via a bottle).

It is worrying, to see her drink so little, to see her hungry and yet wailing after the first two gulps of milk.
Did she develop a phobia of milk after choking from the rapid let-down previously? Is she teething? What Is Wrong?

I have resorted to nursing her when she's sleepy, though sometimes that backfires as well, cos there are times I pick her up when she's just into her deep sleep cycle, and all the persuasion is futile. I have also discovered that I am more likely to be successful in getting her to suckle beyond 1 minute if I carry her and walk / rock her while she feeds (though I cannot imagine sustaining that for long.. my puny arms are not likely to be able to support ms royal highness if she's 8 kg.. though perhaps that's wishful thinking on my part. How is she ever going to put on weight if she continues her strike?)

I read that nursing / milk strikes will pass. However, speaking with a friend whose daughter is similarly difficult when it comes to feeds, casts doubts on this. Her daughter's past 1 and still needs to be fed milk when rocked in a sarong. Sigh.

Prayed last night, whilst Calista kept me awake from 5am - 7am.. some divine intervention is required. (oh, and i think i used up my quota of 'happy nights'! No more midnight feeding and going straight back to sleep. But maybe it's linked to me pushing her to drink till she's no longer sleepy.. Sigh.)

I just have to keep trying and trying, I suppose, even though it is emotionally stressful. There are times I catch myself looking at her with anger, but she gives me those gummy grins which say she's so pleased to see me, and the anger dissolves in an instant. =/

I finally understand the wisdom of the biblical phrase 'love is patient, love is kind' now.