Making a difference

P and I grabbed a copy of the “TODAY” newspaper while on the way to work two days ago, and were pleasantly surprised to read that one of the Ministers commented that the extremely fine differentiation of students’ grades at PSLE should be replaced with grade bands just like at the “O” levels.

I got so excited, I looked up and congratulated P. He has been heard! His suggestion did not go into a black hole! He mused that the politicians will probably try to claim credit for the idea but I told him that at least our children will benefit from the change, even if credit is not given to P.

You see, many months ago, we were talking about the fine differentiation of PSLE scores back at a roundtable discussion with the opposition party. P also wrote into the Forum about this.

See his letter “Keep PSLE but drop T-score” -

Long weekend (Part II)

Went cycling with Christian at East Coast Park for the first time! P was initially bracing himself for the 3 of us riding a canopy-trishaw-like vehicle, but Christian surprised us by lasting 45 mins on a bicycle. Although it had training wheels on, it was still a pleasant surprise cos our past experience of him on bikes was filled with him passing defeatist remarks – “I cannot..” “So difficult..”

Even his teacher remarked that when she got Christian to try out the training BMX bike, he said: “So tiring..” and that he had a tendency to go back to the familiar swing car instead. She got around that by designating him the fire boy on the red fire bike, who had to cycle here n there to put fires out. Kudos to Teacher D for caring and not giving up :)

P brought Calista to Toys R Us while I napped in the afternoon..it was great, except that Calista refused to nap after that, so was very cranky by the time we brought P’s parents to Chomp Chomp. Sigh..she didn’t eat much, and kept wanting us to carry her around. We’ve reached the conclusion that when one has a young baby, it’s best to eat at home..the baby can sleep if she wants to, and won’t refuse food after being distracted by all the bright lights.

We played a game in the car while on the way home. P came up with a “Ask each other the most difficult question you can ask..” game.. and so Christian and I took turns. I asked him questions such as “What is the name of “moon” in Mandarin?” “If you put all your toes and fingers together, how many do you have?” “What is 7 + 2?” “How many grandparents do you have?”

He asked me things like “What is the name of the lights in Mandarin?” “What is 17  + 8?” so nothing prepared me for the most difficult question he threw up – “How many friends did you have when you were small, in primary school?” I was stumped.. P the arbitrator said I had one chance left, before Christian is pronounced winner of the game.. I threw my trump card out “Who do you love more..” Christian immediately shouted “Mama!”, thinking I was asking “Mama or Daddy..” but I asked “Who do you love more, Mama or Christian?”

“Myself!” he said. I pretended to be heartbroken, but Christian was so focused on being the winner he didn’t pay attention to my mock sobs. Oh well. Children. You give them all your love but you know that you’ll always love them more than they you.

The long weekend (Part I)

We had the Hari Raya Haji public holiday this weekend and it was great to be able to spend a substantial amount of time with the kids for the first time since starting work. My colleagues usually ask, “so, how was your weekend?” and I always find it hard to remember what we did, and therefore can’t go beyond the “it was good..” kinda replies.

I probably won’t be able to tell Christian and Calista how we used to spend our weekends, so i might as well record a bit of it here before it all escapes me.

Here is our weekend, in pictures.

FRIDAY

We went to East Coast Park beach in the morning. It had been sometime since we got him some Vitamin D.

It was a terrible rush, but we raced home to drop Calista off, gave Christian a shower, and P sped off to River Valley so I could have my 1st yoga session in 4 months. I was close to giving up and told him “Forget it, let’s just go for lunch” but he was determined. Oh well. They ate at Nansutei while I worked my limbs, and then came back to drive me to facial at Novena. :) I had a good nap at the salon, but woke feeling extremely guilty to read that Calista was wandering from room to room saying “Mama? Mama?” and even checked the bathroom to see if I was there.

In the evening, we walked (Christian skate scooted) to the Wawawa bistro that opened a few months back, at Bedok Reservoir. It was great to take a stress-free dinner cos it was so close to home we could run back if any of the children pooped or wanted anything. The food was better than expected, and Christian and Calista got some nature therapy while waiting for the food to arrive. Christian also managed to have a go at the swings! Perfect. :)

SATURDAY

We went to HESS at Katong for a trial session. (I’m intending to enrol him there for the holiday program.) I was pleasantly surprised by the warm teachers and the amount of effort they put into their Halloween themed week was evident. Christian also warmed up and Teacher L said he was a pleasure to have in class, really talkative and enthusiastic about learning. :) Only area for improvement – writing! P and I also made use of the 2 hours while Christian was in class to take a walk around the Katong neighbourhood and relive our dating days. The place is filled with quaint and new cafes / bakeries, as well as traditional food-craftsmen. We bought a salt-baked chicken and some kueh from Kim Choo back.

He headed to Alpha Gym for his gym class in the afternoon and we did the usual routine of lunch and nap in the afternoon. Thanks to mum taking care of dinner prep, we brought the kids down to the playground for more activity time. Christian skated around confidently but fell down a slope and scraped his knee. His wail could be heard blocks away, I’m sure, but he calmed down after I hugged, carried and told him of how his mother used to fall down every year.

Shall continue Sunday’s activities in another post… especially since Sunday is not over yet! =P

Extraverts

I am reading the e-book “Nurture by Nature”, which attempts to influence readers to customise their parenting style according to the personality types of their children.

They have written the description to the Type model focused on the child, rather than the adult with that same preference, so that it is unnecessary to try to extrapolate the child’s tendencies from adult descriptions.

I wasn’t quite sure whether Christian was extraverted or introverted since he can be shy around strangers (which might just be a peculiar trait of children in general, rather than a personality trait). But reading this, I think Christian is clearly extraverted -

“The Extravert’s attention is drawn outward and is easily engaged by anything happening outside of the self. Extraverted children tend to get overexcited by the onslaught of stimulation and need other people to talk with in order to make sense of it all. Because they naturally prefer the world outside of themselves, Extraverted children learn best by interacting with the world in a very engaged, physical, and verbal way. They tend to be loud, vocal, and sometimes demanding, especially when they are little. Once they begin to put their words together, their speech seems to occur as an explosion. Many parents say that once their Exxtraverted children began to talk, they never stopped! in fact, they often insist that they be heard. Since they tend to think out loud, they often give quite long and involved explanations and stories. And, because they form most of what they want to say as they are saying it, it’s easy for them to lose their train of thought if they are interrupted or made to wait their turn to speak.

..for the very same reasons, Extraverted children frequently interrupt others, unable to hold onto any thought or idea for any length of time without expressing it. When you interrupt an Extraverted child’s words, you interfere with her thinking.

Extraverted children prefer the outer world because that’s where they are the most stimulated and feel most alive. Their natural expressiveness demonstrates itself in both words and actions – with great energy, bustle, and activity in everything they do. They may find it next to impossible to play alone for any period of time and need at least one person around them to help them get through the more introverted tasks like homework. For example, many Extraverted children find the kitchen table a much better place to get homework done. Left alone in a room, they become distracted, bored, or rambunctious as their energy drains away. They need other people around in order to keep their brains awake. Most of the behavior problems Extraverted children have in school are the direct result of being confined to a chair, and required to work for an extended period of time on a paper-and-pencil activity in a room where silence must be maintained.”

Your children are not your children

I came across this poem while reading a parenting e-book today and it spoke to me.

“On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”

TEN

Well, children. 5 days ago marked Daddy’s and Mama’s 10th Dating Anniversary. Mama and Daddy celebrated by going to Au Chocolat at MBS for lunch, but there was little fanfare otherwise. I thought of getting something for Daddy but didn’t go beyond Royce chocolates and a little card. The two of us would love to have gone for a holiday to mark the occasion but it was not quite possible since I had just started a new job and your Daddy had used up most of his leave to study for various courses.

I did think about it though, and thought that perhaps I should post something here just so you two could understand how your Daddy and I met, dated, and got married. (Inspired by Christian’s questions on how he would know how to find the right one. Gosh. These questions are popping up way earlier than expected.) So, here’s the story, in case some tragic event happens and I never get to watch you two grow up and you never get to ask me:

Your Daddy and I met in university in May/June 2001. It was the faculty orientation, and I was asked to go around in some ridiculous cheerleader outfit. Your Daddy (the superficial one) said I caught his eye because I was in a Union Jack tank top and a short skirt. – __ – I hardly paid him any attention. Slowly over the course of a year though, I found out that he liked me.. and boy was he romantic. He wooed with poems, and gifts stuck in my locker..by being around, and my heart would skip a beat when we met to study before lectures / tutorials. It was a little complicated, cos I was actually still in another relationship when we met, so nothing really happened until I broke up with this other guy in early 2002. I felt horrible, but well, I think my heart was not there and I don’t think I really loved that guy even though we got along rather well. Your Daddy and I were torn between propriety and raging hormones and did not get together until late 2002. One thing that irked me was, he never did “Ask the question”, but just assumed that I was going to be his girlfriend after dating. We therefore do not have a definite date to mark the start of our relationship.. but 16 Oct 2002 was a special date to us, and we used it as a marker for keeping count.

Here’s some pictures to show you how young, carefree and happy we were. Well, that’s not to say that we are miserable now, though we definitely do feel the burden of cares a lot more these days..

 

I forgot to add..the journey has not been easy. We started off with quite a lot of drama due to miscommunication (our 1st dates were filled with awkward silences and silent bus trips..although the chemistry was sizzling (then), we had no idea what the other was thinking.)

We’ve learnt to adapt to each other:

- different bio-clocks (your daddy used to wake the minute the sun shone into the room, whilst I could keep snoring on till 11am if left alone);

- different food preferences (daddy educated me on the goodness of oatmeal and goat’s milk)

- different sleep habits (i could not live without aircon, daddy used to get blocked noses from sleeping in airconditioned rooms..but eventually he came round to the benefits of sleeping in a room where the windows could be closed fully to block the traffic noise)

We’ve also had to learn to live without each other for a while..this happened twice, in our 2nd  year of relationship when we were sent to different cities for exchange (he to Toronto, and I to Halifax)..as well as in our first year of marriage, when Daddy worked in Hong Kong for a while.

Things are still not all rosy and smooth sailing now, but I am grateful to have found a soulmate and life partner to weather all the storms and cross the hurdles with. I thank him for spotting and picking me out from the crowd so many years ago..he has become a worm in my stomach, one who knows me so well, sometimes even better than I do myself.

This I wish for you two, my children. To find a soulmate God means for you to have, one who understands you, loves you, one who laughs along with you and whom inspires you to be a better person. Hopefully by looking at us, you will understand what it is you want in a life partner, and I won’t tear my hair out the first time you bring a girlfriend / boyfriend home. ^_^

Incoherent thoughts of a sleep deprived time strapped mum

Knock-knock is your favourite phrase of the week. You say it in the most adorable manner, after you bump your head against the floor/my head/the cot rail. “Norknork?” you go…

Our pre-bedtime routine now includes an investigation of my belly button. I think it’s the grossest thing after having my belly stretched twice by your brother and you, but you think it’s the most interesting thing on earth. I’d attempt to put you to bed after feeding you, but you are now not content to just turn on your side to sleep. Not until you lift my shirt up, find my belly button, mutter babyspeak, and attempt to touch your own belly button through your pjs.

My heart softens when you eventually lie on your belly, with your chin on My belly, and poke around my belly button, fascinated. You’d even shower my belly button with baby kisses. Mmm-mak, mmm-mak, you’d go.

I love it when you and I are entangled together. Your baby arm hooking my neck, my face close to yours. Sometimes you’d be so amused and attempt to play with my lip by letting it go ‘thwack’ against my teeth. I’d pretend to chomp down on your fingers and  you’d squeal with excitement. I remember playing the exact same game with my dad..and now I know why he let me do so. It’s probably cos that’s the only way to keep me/you content, and within a breath’s length of him/me, for more than 15 seconds.

I love the way you toddle. Uncertainly. Sideways. Crab-like. Some part of me feels like you are growing too fast for my liking, although almost walking at almost 15 months is rather belated by most standards.

You and your brother are the highlight of my day, the source of most of my worries but also the source of most of my joy.

The mama of his children

We had a most amusing exchange today, while I drove him back from gym class (gym class deserves a separate blog post of its own, so I won’t go into that for nowur o).

I was recounting how excited Calista was to see Christian come home earlier today, and described in vivid detail how she went “gorgorr” once she heard his voice, whimpered a little till i asked if she wanted to leave the room, nodded emphatically, and scurried out to see him. The smile that she gives him, with the light going all the way up to her crinkly eyes, is simply so sweet.

Anyway, he was asking why she needed so much sleep etc., and I explained that Calista was small and had lots of growing up to do. He started counting his age.. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. He paused at 10 and asked if he was going to primary school at 10. A

And so the topic turned to the different types of school at the different ages. He asked where he would be at 19, and I told him “probably in the army”. He was sanguine about it, having heard of this from his dad before. He then asked 'what about 20?” I threw the question back at him, and he said “I will go and find a girlfriend then.”

I burst out laughing, before asking why he needed to search for a girlfriend.

“So that my children will have a mama…”

I asked him how he was going to find her.. and he replied with a little note of worry ‘I don’t know… will she be a stepmother??”

Boy was I tickled. After some explaining on the definition of stepmother, he concluded that the woman he finds will not be a stepmother, because the babies will ‘come out from her right’.

The clincher was when he asked “But i don’t know..how to find one with an egg inside?”

Surprised and bemused, I decided it was time to deflect this back to the person who started my son’s sex ed with talk of eggs etc. “Oh, go ask your father.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a side note, it’s been a while since I had a blog-worthy conversation with Christian. It made me realise that I’ve had very little one-on-one time with him ever since the maid left…his deepest thoughts and fears are revealed only when he has some personal time with his daddy and I.

And his father’s take on this was..children have their own worries too, even if they don’t tell us, and although we may think they are ridiculous. It must be the same for God, who looks down at us and our all-consuming fears about life, amused at our trivialities.

Random observations of the past 2 weeks

- Calista has learnt how to say 'please'..when prompted, she'll say 'pease' and nod emphatically. it really is so cute to watch.

- Oh and her nodding. When asked whether she wants this or that, she'll nod and then beam when her wants are understood by us. It is so rewarding for us to try and understand her..baby smiles are God's incentive for parents to be patient and reach out to their babies.

- Christian really likes gym class. He likes tumbling around, being assisted to do a backward roll, jumping and bouncing. We signed him up with a gym on recommendation by his classmate's mum..think he'll prob enjoy that the most, over his Berries Chinese, Music class and Sunday school. Gosh we were also thinking that he needs to learn swimming. How do other parents with multiple kids juggle the enrichment schedule?!

- it's only been a week of work but I am looking forward to the public holiday. sigh. it's so painful leaving calista behind as she reaches both arms out to me and cries 'mamamama', her whole body straining to be where I am
='(